GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
