we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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