stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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