laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
