Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
