Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
