He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
