she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
