you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
