if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
