i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
