Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.

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(251): View more from Alabama

you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

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(618): View more from Illinois

It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.

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(802): View more from Vermont

Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?

(401): View more from Rhode Island

Those memories are both hazy and awesome.

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(248): View more from Michigan

My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night

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(503): View more from Oregon

Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"

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