Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Fuck appropriateness.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
