she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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