I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
