My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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