a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
