so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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