i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
