i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
