just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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