Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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