The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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