Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
