You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
