How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize