I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
