i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize