wakey wakey hands off snakey
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
