Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
