Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
