so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
