Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
