sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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