meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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