I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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