well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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