I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
