I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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