Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
