He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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