Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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