a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
they need to just BURY HIM!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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