At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
