Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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