no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
