Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
