I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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