it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I came so hard my ears popped.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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