His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
