I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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