The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
