His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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