so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
