Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I love you. Go after that dick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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