That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
