im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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