When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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