he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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