You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
