Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
