why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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