I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize