Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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