4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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