i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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