I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
