i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
