i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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