You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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