I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
