Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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