You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
