I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
