morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
