do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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