He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize