five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I need a beard to bite.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
