Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
