ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
