Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
