Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
