I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize